you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
