my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
