If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
