I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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