Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He did a backflip because drugs
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
