Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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