too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
