I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's shark week go big or go home
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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