i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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