hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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