ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
