It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
