You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
