I can text with my tongue
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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