I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
