i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
