i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
