My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
