don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize