The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
