Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
