So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
