so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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