i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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