Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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