This girl is more easily done than said...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
