dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
