around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
