Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
