He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
