What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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