lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
