I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
