Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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