So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
