I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
