I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
