You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
