Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
