I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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