i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
