I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
