6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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