i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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