Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
