Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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