You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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