i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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