Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Your dad touched me again.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
