hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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