Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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