I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
