I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
