I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
